AJ: Over the course of my life I have become increasingly aware of the amount of feedback people have about other people’s lives. We’re all guilty of inserting our opinions where they might not have been requested, but what happens when other people’s feedback begins to impact your financial decisions? Learning from the experiences of others can be incredibly helpful, but sometimes it’s important to take feedback with a grain of salt especially if it impacts your financial well-being.
We got married.
AJ: Kirby and I were an “us” for many years before becoming engaged and as soon as we became engaged we were bombarded with opinions of why we should/shouldn’t (mostly shouldn’t, honestly) get married at all – from other married people, no less! It seems that things always go south according to these feedback-givers: bills pile up, you begin to resent each other, you get tired of seeing the other person’s face. All very fair concerns (maybe). But in those pre-wedded months it became abundantly clear to us that we needed to remain a united force which is a great lesson for not just your marriage but for your financial success as a couple. The most positive piece of feedback we receive is one we hear often: Kirby and I make a great team. And we DO make a great team because when we receive feedback from the world, we already know where we stand financially and are able to make the best choices for us based on actual math, not wants and wishes.
We bought a house.
AJ: Buying your first home is an invitation for feedback. A little of my own feedback – if you decide to buy a home, don’t tell people, just do it! Everyone has a list of must-haves when looking for a home but before you let anyone else tell you what you absolutely must have in your first home know what you absolutely can afford based on the guidance of an advisor. That’s your end-all, be-all, thank-you-for-the-feedback resting place. It’s lovely that your best friend loves carrera marble and pendant lights, but your best friend isn’t financially responsible for your house, you are, so go on and be responsible.
KJ: Studies show that it’s best to not spend more than 2.5 times your annual household income on a home. So, if your family’s income is $50,000, then consider looking at the $100,000 – $125,000 range for a home. If you make $100,000, then stick to the $175,000 – $250,000 range. For those families that are really serious about keeping their expenses low, look instead to buy a house that’s 1.5 times your yearly income.
We bought a second house.
AJ: The problem with the second house we bought, based on feedback, is that it had incredible bones, but it needed updating. Person after person came through our new home with thoughts of ways they would personalize and update our new home and we suddenly found ourselves considering a myriad of changes (most of them costly, mind you) that we hadn’t previously considered. People have opinions, you have a budget. Stick to the budget at the expense of the door pulls, carpet on the stairs and lack of color on the walls!
KJ: Learn to separate the wants from the nice-to-haves. Sure, it may be nice to make every single update and completely personalize your house, but chances are that your budget isn’t limitless – and if it is, then it shouldn’t be! Figure out what it is that is most meaningful to you and your family for those personal touches and put pen to paper to see how realistic it is for you to accomplish them. For some, it may be immediate, but for others, it may take a couple years to really get there!
People have kids.
AJ: We don’t, but some of you do, so I hear. I’ve also heard that you’re not crazy about people telling you how to raise YOUR kids. That seems perfectly reasonable to me. However, when they start going to school and all your friends are trying to convince you that there’s only ONE school for your little dude/-ette that’s WAY out of your price range, remember where you came from. You’re a reasonable, financially-savvy person who can balance the necessity of education with the long-term goal of providing a well-rounded life for your entire family.
Focus on what is right for you and your family
KJ: In today’s world of instant access to everyone and lots of data on a limitless amount of goods and services, there’s definitely not a shortage of other’s feedback! Learn to sift through the noise to find what information you need to make sound decisions for you and your family. Be conservative in your estimates, and don’t just assume tomorrow’s income can subsidize today’s lifestyle!
AJ: Professionally group think suits me beautifully. It helps me achieve things much more quickly. Personally, however, group think is a recipe for financial disaster. Keep in mind that outsiders don’t necessarily have all of the information necessary to make appropriate recommendations for your financial well-being. Stay strong, people. Listen to the feedback, acknowledge the feedback, make your own choices outside of the feedback.
- What do you do to filter through the feedback?
Have you been swayed into making financial decisions for your family that you wouldn’t have if you had the chance to do over?
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